I am a sorority girl now. My sisters love me and I love them. But the problem is, I don't feel as though they accept me completely. Of course, there are a few who have accepted me all together, I can tell by they way they talk to me. There are others who still don't seem to accept me... and by me, I mean all of me, they are still not comfortable with the fact that I am queer.
I have explained this earlier to you, my readers, but I will catch up those who just joined us. I am queer, I am pansexual. This means I am not attracted physically to any person. I like them for their personality, and they can be either male, female, gender-neutral, or anything. I have been told before that this is noble and I am a fair person to be able to look past one's looks. Well guess what, I have nothing to do with that. I never chose to be this person. I chose to acknowledge this part of me, but I never chose to be that person.
You would think that me not being attracted to anyone sex, any person, would be better to understand for a group of girls (still young compared to me, I am the oldest in the group seeing how I just turned 20 and most are still 18, some 17) instead of saying I am attracted to women, or both women and men. I promised them I was not going to hit on them, because I see them as sisters. I also told them how I was not going to stare at them in the hopes that they will realize they are queer too and we would fall in love. I told them all this, and yet some still seem stand-off-ish towards me. I have done nothing wrong. or at least, I don't think I have. It is hard for me to be so far away where the harassment begun in my life, I moved in the hopes of leaving behind the hurt, and yet there is still some where I am. They are not harassing me I suppose, but they are not treating me the way they did when we first meet, before they knew I was queer.
I have it on good authority that some words were exchanged between girls, and one said "Don't tell this to Abi." This has happened on several occasions, and the only reason why this would be said would be because what they are saying is homophobic and insulting to me. Many of them are white females, very few are of color, like myself. They do not understand what it means to be a minority until they walk down the street and have had harsh words screamed at them and cans tossed while half full. Knowing I can not even speak of my sexuality, and feeling very awkward in a group when they speak of how hot a guy in their building is, is hard on me. I try so hard to have them feel comfortable around me, I don't speak of it unless it comes up and even then I keep it short, I would like the same respect shown to me... I know they probably wont change for the 1% of their pledge class... But I am their sister now, and the way some have been acting toward me (or to others about me) hurts... I just wish they could see that...
as someone who is in your sorority, no one has said one word (to me at least) about any of this. I'm pretty sure everyone accepts you. There is no reason not to. You really aren't that different and truthfully everyone has something about them thats different, so you're not alone. You are so fun and great and I don't think that you should over think this. You are accepted. I can promise you that. I wish you didn't feel this way at all and it hurts me that you do. I strongly think that if you are feeling this way it is better to contact the girls directly because a lot of the times its just miscommunication and not a personal attack. We will be sisters forever, don't let this go on too long without saying something because it will just hurt more and sit inside of you.
ReplyDeletewe all love you!!!!!
I agree with the statement above... I am sorry that you feel so different cause in reality everyone is different in their own way, which is what makes each and everyone one of us unique. I hope that this blog has helped you vent your anger, however, I do not understand why you chose to indirectly state your discontent. I know that, at least for me, if would be beneficial to hear you talk about this directly in person to our pc. I hope that we can come to some sort of conclusion where you feel more content and happy with our sorority. We do care about each and every sister and you are included in our family so never believe otherwise!
ReplyDelete~ your fellow sisters
I had a beer can thrown at me too. It hurts.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I am actually shocked you feel this way. You are a sweet and caring girl and I'm speaking for myself and no one else, but I honestly feel that our pledge class has been accepting of you. I don't see you any differently because of your sexual orientation, in fact, I'm proud of you that you are able to join a sorority that is already religiously affiliated and feel that you can persevere through times where you might feel left out and uncomfortable, NOT because of your sexuality but because it is primarily jewish girls who came from very similar areas and knew a lot of people in the sorority before they came here. I know it's awful to feel that girls don't accept you and that you're an outsider, but the misunderstanding is that you probably feel like this because a lot of girls already have relationships with one another outside of the sorority and you're one of the few girls that unfortunately did not. Dont be so down on yourself and your sisters, instead you should embrace the different parts of you and take into consideration that we do love you and that we're all happy you joined the sorority. It's just going to be an adjustment and I'm sure people will now be more open to showing you that you are TRULY an accepted sister, regardless of what your sexuality is.
ReplyDeletei think you are looking into your differences as if they are something negative, everyone has something different about that that's what makes us all human-- because you have been seen as "different" your whole life i don't think you are used to it now that your sorority does 100% fully accept you, we have no reason not too!! When you write out these kind of blog posts it makes me as a sister very concerned for you i think you should re-think what you said because it makes me/other upset that you feel this way
ReplyDeletefrom someone in your pledge class, I think your perception is misconstrued, I think everyone loves you and cares about you and accepts you. It must be hard to live outside of the building where most of us live, but that is the only factor that may contribute to the feeling of not being as close to some of the girls. Honestly, don't let your insecurities eat you alive because everyone cares about you. No one would ever harass you in our sorority about your sexual orientation like you may have experienced in the past, and if anyone was hating on you outside of our sorority we'd have your back sista.
ReplyDeletebecoming a sorority sister was something that i know none of us took lightly. it meant having each other's back all the time, 100% no matter what. i know that for me, and i feel like many others in our pledge class feel this way too, i don't care what race, sexual orientation, or religion someone is for me to befriend them. i care about finding friends who are loyal, fun, honest and true to themselves and you have exemplified all of these in the short time i have shared with you in our pledge class. know that we all care about you. some of us have had experience in dealing with sexual orientations other than our own, and some of us haven't really been exposed to it at all. most of us don't even think about it any more and i promise that the girls who still dwell on it will get over it soon enough, and if they don't then they aren't worth your time. we're here for you girl <3
ReplyDelete