If You Had A Heart

If you had a heart, you wouldn't keep breaking mine. You call me immature, well I am assuming you have no idea what I am going through, or if you do then you have no heart nor empathy for me.

Have you lost someone you held dear? Yes? Then stop judging me for crying. Have you ever lost someone you love, heart and soul? Yes? Then stop judging me for thinking there is no one else out there for me. Have you ever been so afraid of going back into your past, that you might resort to your last option? Yes? Then stop   judging me for walking away when I need a moment.

If you said no, then you can not judge me because I am going through something that your imagination can not even fathom nor come close to creating for you to even think you understand what I am going through.

If  you had a heart, you would stop breaking mine by giving me the impression that I am weak, or that you no longer care.

Can't Help But Think

I can't help but think, how many people read my blog. I know that I can see the views, but viewing my blog is different that seeing it. I want to know, if you do read it, do you really care what I have to say? Like if I said I wanted nothing more to do with this life would you call 911, or call me if you know me? Or would you just read that and think, "shame, she was really entertaining."
There is also the little fact that maybe only a few people read my posting and keep re-reading it and re-readign it and re-reading it. Hence the many views. I want to know who exactly is reading it. To see who takes the 5  min out of their day to read what I have to think or how I am feeling. I would never lie in my writings, but somehow I feel as though that thought is overlooked...
So answer me this, no this is not rhetorical, how many people read my blog? And the bigger question is, how many people care about what they read?

Then is Now is Scary

It scares me how I am thinking.
The way I did so long ago.
I don't want to be here no more,
so here's how the story will go:




Train tracks, dont look back
busy street, finish it neat.
one step, all thats left
a simple mistake, it all it takes.
to end it here, end it all.
one clumsy girl, and she did fall
off the curb and into the street
a car was too close, just a few feet.
no time to stop, wheels screech
but its too late, she's now six feet deep..


There is my end. 
now you all know
I'm back where I started,
so long ago.
Goodbye,
good luck
so long my friends,
this world was too hard,
it forced me to end. 

Keep On Walking

I want keep on walking
I want to walk so far
and when I'm tired of walking
I'm gonna walk some more.
Past the place of hurt
and past the place of pain
past the place of thunderstorms
and past the place of shame.

I don't want to find the sunshine
I don't want to find the 'greener'
I just want to find the only place
where I wont get meaner.
I'll never be good enough
and I never have been.
my patience is wearing out
and my sweetness is getting thin.

I'm done, I'm out
I'm sick of this game.
I want nothing more
I've never been the same.
Make it all stop
just end it now
just stop it all
I don't care how.

end..