To My Ex-Love

To My Ex Love,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been a bitch. You hurt me so much, I completely lost all the sense I had left in my mind. You grounded me, and made me stable. When you ended it, it was as if I was standing horizontally on a piece of twine. I couldn't feel stable if I tried. I couldn't feel anything. I didn't want to ever forgive you for hurting me like that.

I wanted to go back to my old ways, multiple times. On several occasions, I was prepared, and I wanted to go through with it more than anything. But then I remembered the promise I made you, the first official day we spent together. "Please don't ever leave me like that. I don't care if you don't want to be with me, please, just don't leave me like that." Although I was not the one to leave, I still hold true to my promise. It is because of that promise I made you that I am still standing here counting to my two year mark ( still a ways away).

I love you. I don't know how anymore. But I do know that I don't hurt anymore. I can see you, walking the other way, standing in the same elevator, and my heart no longer falls to the floor because I want you back as my girlfriend. My heart falls to the floor because I now know that I have been acting in a way that is unlike me. I miss you. I'm not going to lie and say I am completely over you, but I am to the point where I know it's ok to smile in passing, poke one another on facebook, and perhaps a conversation if we share an elavator.

I hope you still read my blogg and see my apology. It is the best I can do. The best explanation I can give for my rude actions, for running away, and for not seeing you in the elevator (for the record, I was cleaning my glasses and didn't notice it WAS you until you were getting off). I hope the ice is melted enough for this to go through, and I hope you know all I say is true. I love you, but I have let go, and I hope you are moved on as I am moving forward.

-Abi