To my old readers and my new sisters,
Please read what I'm going to say very very carefully.
I have depression. I don't care who tries to tell me that depression isn't an illness, I am going through a phase, etc etc. I have a problem, I know this. But I am NOT going to act on any of those thoughts running through my head. I am NOT going to go jump in front of a car, I am NOT going to pick up a knife and hurt myself again. I may have the urge to, but it took me over two years to be more powerful than that urge, to be in control of myself. I am NOT going to be that person again.
I don't care if what you read you think is threatening to myself. I don't care if what you think is my final good bye for a facebook status, I am NOT going to end myself. Me writing anything is what is keeping me strong. It brings me back to the time when I was not in control of my actions, when all I did was want to hurt myself and then act on the thought; it brings me back to that and keeps me from going there. It reminds me how much I had hurt myself and all the people who care about me. I am NOT going back to that place.
The reason why I know I am not going to is because I know I have so much more to live for. I know I have so much to do with my life. I know I am stronger than that. I know this now.
I am not going to post on this blog anymore. The reason why is because all this concern about what I am writing, which has never been a problem before, is causing me stress. Stress that I CAN NOT afford to have in my life. My writing is a therapy technique that I was taught a long time ago. It helps me come to conclusions in my mind, work out what I am thinking, and learn from it. As I stated earlier, it reminds me I am stronger than I was before.
So please understand, I am NOT in danger of myself. I am NOT about to resort to anything drastic. I am receiving help, I have been for quite some time. And if something does concern you, please come to me, face to face or on the phone, because although I find myself a person of words, my words are misinterpreted (as many of you have clearly noticed) and it is easier to explain when I am there in person. I can clear up whatever it is and help you understand more about what I am going through.
Wishing you well,
Abi-- Abi Normal.