I keep finding poems I wrote for you.. It's hard for me to sit here and read these amazing pieces and know that the feeling didn't last... I write poems for so few people, and the words I write are real and me. It's hard for me to know we are no longer....
I saw you today again.. I was waiting for the 85 bus and you walked right past... I don't know if you just didn't look at me because you read my last blog and know how much the look killed me inside, or because you didn't notice me. I don't know which answer is worse for me to think of as the truth... I don't want you to ignore me, but I don't want you to notice me either...
Distractions only do so much, I still wake up at night shaking because I had a dream about you, about the letter, about the lies that I lived for an entire month. A MONTH. You lead me to believe you still loved me in 'that' way for a whole month. I was hanging on all the memories we made in the short time we were together. If you don't believe me just look back on my blog. I know you are reading it. The fact that you kept me hanging on for that long leads me to believe you didn't love me the way you said you did... And that is what hurts the most.
Every moment I don't see you, I long to see you and have your love again... But then every time I see you all I feel is pain and confusion...
I suppose what I'm trying to say is... I don't know what I'm doing or how I should feel....
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