Goodbye

No matter how much time has past
No matter how many tears I have cryed
No matter how much I tell myself otherwise
I still hurt because of you.

The way you treated me
they way you looked at me
the way you touched me.
I wanted it all.

I loved you,
maybe I still do
but you hurt me
It sent my mind askew

No matter how much time has past
no matter how many tears I have cryed
No matter how much I tell myself otherwise
I still hurt because of you.

You were my first love.
You were my first dance.
You were my first person
I loved at first glance

Why did you hurt me?
After the promises you made.
Why did you hurt me?
In that way.

No matter how much time has past
no matter how many tears I have cryed
No matter how much I tell myself otherwise
I still hurt because of you.

I'm over it now,
I have learned to go on,
I have someone now
and our love is strong.

No I won't be completely healed
No I won't completely forget
But one thing is certain
and I would win this bet.

No matter how much time has past
no matter how many tears I have cryed
No matter how much I tell myself otherwise
I loved you,
but my love has changed.
I have someone
and now my life is arranged
in such a way
that I don't thinkof  that pain
but of her kindness
that washed away the rain.

I am over you,
but I wont forget
because they scars are still here
but you can bet
 I wont look at them again
until the time comes.
I will look back at the day
and see you once more
but by then the hurt
will be out the door.
This is my goodbye
I won't think anymore
this is my goodbye
it's something I swore.

Goodbye.

Limbs

A tangle of limbs
the touch of your skin
the smell of sweat
things make you upset.
the fire created
my lips inflated.
What can I do
when I'm with you
and you start to cry
inside I die.
I really dislike
being called a dyke.
but what he said
made your tears shed.
I grabbed you closer
I hate this poser.
I must stay strong
so I gave you my song.
The one for about
us being out
and how I would love you
through and though.
you and me
forever we'll be,
Forever together
together forever
I love you.

Belonging

Sometimes I feel as though, even though I have so much in common with a group of people, I can't help but be the outsider. Take this program I am in, we are all in the STEM fields, we are all of color, and we are all taking the same classes. With all of these things, I still can't help but feel as though I don't really belong. I was gone this past weekend for my Girl Scout Gold Award, and I don't think anyone noticed that I was gone. This is extremely difficult to do in a group of only 21 students. In a group that small, everyone knows everyone. How could no one not notice I was gone? I walked into my own apartment, and there were at least 5 people there including my roommate, they all looked surprised that I walked in. HELLOOOOOO! It's my room, I would think that they would notice that I was not in my own room. But what ever.
I don't really feel like I belong here, I don't have many people that I talk to constantly, I just do my homework and I keep my nose in the books. What else is there to do? Talk to people? I feel as though everyone just rolls their eyes and doesn't give a sh!t about what I have to say. I work better when I am alone or in a very small group. Anything more than 2 other people I just don't know what to do. Perhaps this is because I try to please everyone, and when the number of people goes up, the harder it is to please them all. So then I just shut down.

Well, those are my thoughts. Please don't judge.